I am writing today after minor surgery on Tuesday, so there is no telling what will come forth, so I ask for forgiveness in advance for the meds speaking and spelling. I have woken up every day since in the unknown of how I might feel, or wake up feeling great and having to surrender to rest by 10 or 11. I am in the unknown of the outcome, and I know without a doubt I will heal, but I can feel changes and I don't know if I like them all, and what will change again in a few hours, days, weeks. I am finding sanctuary in going internal, and also re-creating my external sanctuary in my room, which until yesterday seemed to be a laundry way station, and I decided I needed to bring the beauty back, have a place to sit in contemplation as I revive a morning practice that involves checking in with myself, and the Divine, and Mother Earth, before I allow anything external like TV, Facebook, and even checking in with my beloveds into my field. The ritual of setting the space was healing in and of itself, as I surrendered, accepted, spilled mermaid tears and asked the Great Mother to give me strength and healing.
What unknown are you ready to surrender to and find sanctuary in?
And of course as I have sat all week I contemplate my sacred work in the world, I know what my assignment is but I don't always know what form it will take. And surrendering to that for a Vision Weaver and Initiator like me can be one of the most difficult things to do. During my "up times" my creativity comes flooding in, and I have notes all over my space about some things I want to put out into the world. And during the down times, I ask if this is what wants to happen. I have no idea, but I have to try. To not share what the wisdom I have learned that has helped me through all of my life experiences and what the experiences themselves have taught me, would be blasphemy to my own soul. I CAN"T NOT SHARE IT, I just pray for those who have ears to listen, eyes to see, and hearts to feel to come into my sanctuary.
As I was setting my new altar space I came across my St. Joan of Arc Rosary and I was reminded of her words:
"I am not afraid, I was born for this."
And the truth is I am not afraid, I was born for this even if it took 46 years to know it. To me the fear comes from not knowing what "this" is, Joan of Arc knew what she was here for would result in her death and she did it anyway. Do you know what your "this" is? And if you do, do you embrace it, surrender to it even when you don't know what "this" looks like in the world, do you stand in the sovereignty of knowing what you are here to do, or do you look everywhere and anywhere to be told what you are here for? And while most of our assignments are not as dramatic as Joan's, are you willing to step into what you are here for no matter the fallout? Are you unwilling to compromise yourself and your sacred work even if the world around you doesn't always get it? Is the deep knowing of what you are here for a place of sanctuary, and remembering for you? Or do you get yourself wrapped up in the how and when? I do sometimes, and then I have to remember that when I surrender is when the magic happens.
Well that is it for me dear ones, I must go rest. I leave you with these questions, and I hope you sit with the answers. I do hope you share with me anything that comes up for you because I love to be in conversation with you.